Some songs for the festive season
The twelve days of Christmas
(... or "Don't keep buying me photographic stuff")
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me ...
Twelve filters filtering
Eleven tripods holding
Ten flashes flashing
Nine models posing
Eight grips a-gripping
Seven hoods a-shielding
Six weddings booking
Five D-SLRs
Four camera bags
Three photo mags
Two shutter lags
And a winner in every photo comp
Jingle Bells
(... or "I don't want to be doing this")
Dashing through the snow
Along a muddy track
O'er the fields I go
Camera on my back
Rain and cold and ice
Will never stop desire
My friends - that's very nice
- Are sitting by the fire
Oh, snap, snap, sneeze
Snap, snap, sneeze
Coughing all the way
Oh what fun that I could have
If I was snug like they
Twas the night before Christmas
(... or "If anything can go wrong, it will")
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the place
A photographer wandered
To catch Santa's face
He'd set up his tripod
And cocked up his shutter
When he heard in the chimney
A cough and a splutter
He steadied his camera
And charged up his gun
For the best of all candids
In life he had done
With a soot cloud of blackness
Down Santa he came
The photographer pounced
A great image his game
But the lens he discovered,
As he saw Santa's foot,
Had poor optic properties
- it was covered in soot
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