I learned from the time I was eleven years old that there's nothing more exciting than someone who will come alongside and place the words in your ears, "You can do this!" When I was eight years old I came home from school one day and my dad announced to me that I would learn how to play the piano and introduced me to my piano teacher. He didn't ask me if I wanted to play the piano, he just said, "You will do it."
Over the next ten years and three piano teachers later along with one to two hours of practice every day after school, I took lessons and played the piano. One day when I was eleven years old and in Middle School, a school notice was sent home that a talent contest would begin with each individual home room. Students could participate as they chose. When my dad read the note he said to me, "Susan, you will participate." I obeyed and played a piece of music for the class. The class voted and I won.
Next, my dad received a note that the winners of all the classes would participate in a contest among themselves. My dad said to me "Susan, you will do it." I participated in the contest and was voted first place, once again. Next, another note was sent home stating I was invited to participate against all the schools in my home town. I heard again, "You will do it." After winning that competition, my dad received a notice I was invited to participate and compete against all the schools winners in California. Again, I heard, "You will do it."
The night that I was to compete with the California winners, I remember standing behind the curtain of an auditorium which held around 2,000 people. I was waiting for my turn to play, peeking out from the curtain, at the large crowd. I saw a man coming toward me on stage, with a tender smile and friendly countenance. He was the Master of Ceremonies. As he looked at me he must have determined the look on my face. I remember fear hit me, but this tender man with the smile, leaned down, took my hand and very sweetly said, "You can do this," not, "You will do this", but " You can do this." I remembered after I played and I heard the applause, the man once again came up, took my hand, leaned down and said, 'You did it, take a bow." I won, once again.
You see, I learned something from a very small age. With "Can do" there's an option there, it's my choice. With "Will do" there's no option. Will do, there's control, its authority. A good coach doesn't control the person being coached, only supports and encourages your choices. You see, I knew I could play the piano, but the man with the smile and tender words gave me the confidence that assured me that I could play in front of 2,000 people. He coached me across that fear barrier. I no longer felt like an object, but a person of worth who had an opinion and a choice. I was experiencing my first real coach. From that time forward I began to play the piano for my own personal joy and to the glory of God.
A good coach senses who you are inside, listens for who God made you to be. A good coach enlarges your hope, relieves your fears, believes in and empowers you. They encourage you to walk across bridges and support you in the process. A good coach will enlarge your perspective, they'll help you find that vision and hold it out in front of you so you can see it clearly. And they'll help to keep you focused, encouraging you that you're making progress. They'll give you options and allow you to make choices, liberally bestowing confidence and assurance.
Up until that day, playing the piano was my dad's agenda, my dad's dream; he was living his vision through me. But when I heard the words, "You can do this", and when I heard the words, "You did it", I felt someone had dropped a warm blanket of love across my shoulders. I became focused on the goal, not the fear. I received the confidence and the love and was able to acknowledge my own accomplishment. You see, my coach held out that vision for me, the vision of success through choice, not dictatorship.
It can be difficult for us as humans to personally always see our own strengths, values, passions, gifts and uniqueness or even blocks to progress. Many of us have demanding jobs or pressured schedules and we rarely take time to reflect on these kinds of issues. But a good coach can increase our awareness of our current situation. Every one of us has blind spots. We don't always see self-sabotaging attitudes or behaviors in ourselves. And when we do see these, we may not want to admit them or know what to do with them. But a good coach has a way of pointing out obstacles in a way that doesn't bring defensiveness or resistance, but brings the light on a situation so change can come and the client can ultimately feel good about themselves. The object is to move forward, achieve goals and in the process crucify fear and doubt.
My dad concentrated on his vision for me and reinforced his thoughts of pushing me to a desired end by his authority. He used words like, 'You will do it." But my coach concentrated on my passion as well as talent. Once I heard, "You can do this, rather than, you will, the passion in my performance gave credence and took precedence over my ability. Yes, God gives us abilities and talents, but it's our passion, it's the love that raises it to the heights of glory. A passion ignites the soul and allows a personal light to shine forth. When passion is moved forward the Christ in us is moved up.
A good coach works with people to find, develop and pursue their passions. I knew when I played through my passion; there was a quality of explosive excitement for me I'd never had before and for those listening.
A good coach listens for a person's hopes and dreams, energies, attitudes and abilities, routines and habits. A good coach can discern our greatest opponent which often resides within our own head; the negative thought patterns that hide so as not to be discovered. Self-sabotaging words and thoughts can undermine our confidence and it needs to be replaced by mental visions of encouragement and God's words, such as "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Many people sense that something is missing from their lives, but they don't know what that is. We have no control if we don't have that awareness. A good coach knows how to discover these things. A good coach uses their knowledge, experience, discernment and God's wisdom to bring this knowledge to the surface in a way that ignites clarity and incite which brings beautiful change, healing and wholeness.
You may be one of the richest people walking the earth. You may have degrees which cover all four walls of your office. You may have Christmas cards from friends that are running over your waste basket. But, at the same time, you may have a void, a sense that something's missing inside you that no amount of money, credentials or friends can fill.
What's the secret to self confidence? Believe that God made you to be a winner. Tell yourself "I CAN do it!" Say it out loud and say it often. Next, find the right coach; invest in yourself on a one-on-one or group coaching program experience. Get aligned with those who think like you do. Allow the strength of two or more in agreement to infiltrate your life and business and help catapult you forward in the direction of your dreams. Tell yourself, "I CAN."
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